I have never been ashamed to say, that I’ve a massive soft spot for sociopathic, tyrannical dictators. If you’re feeling down in the dumps with a wee spot of post bender weekend depression, there is nothing quite so uplifting as chilling out to some smooth crooners while watching one of Hitler’s many speeches or observing fascinating pictures of Kim Jong Il, looking at things.
So you can imagine my unhindered delight, when I found out that through the wonders of modern science, a perfect hybrid of Frank Sinatra and Adolf Hitler was somehow formed. A creature that embodies all that is best about The Fuhrer and The Chairman of The Board – a cool charming velvet voice with all the aggression and genius of a great despot. They call him Frank Sanazi, The Ubermeister of Lounge. He has graced our shores twice now and in the intimate surroundings of The Sugar Club has belted out such gems as “Third Reich”, “Strangers on My Flight” and “Big Bad Chairman Mao”.
Frank Sanazi – the founder of the new Germanic musical movement, “Fatherlounge.”
But when Frank started hatching plans for his Uber Welt Domination Comeback Tour, he knew he couldn’t do it solo. Allies were needed. That’s why he quickly formed The Iraq Pack and recruited like minded vocalists with a penchant for autocracy. Guys like Osama Bing Crosby - Saddami Davis Junior and Russia’s very own, Dean Stalin.
Apparently the boys have a nice Christmas tradition where they all hang out in the bunker and entertain the frauleine with songs, cocktails and lashings and lashings of Frank’s favourite German/Italian festive cuisine – White Christmas with ribbon and truffle pasta.
I caught up with Frank the other day to see how the plans for his Fourth Reich were coming along and to see how his Chrimbo meal went….
- So Frank, you’re obviously quite the epicurean, who would you say
had a greater influence on your kitchen pursuits? Eva Braun or Ava
In answer to your question, both Eva & Ava were gute around ze Kitchen – unfortunately in later years Eva didn’t have the space to produce such culinary delights and supplies were becoming short! She did teach me some fantastische Christmas treats though. Zis year I did a special tray of her ‘Minced Spies’ made ze old fashioned vay using proper Mince Meat imported from France. Unt ven I approached ze Iraq Pack to discuss our World Domination Tour it vos zis time of year unt meinself & Eva cooked up a beautiful ‘Roast Goose-step’ vit all ze trimmings. They included Brussel Krauts unt Boiled Swedes – Vun must insist zat ze Goose is stuffed full of Sage & Onion unt set ze oven to Gas Mark Nein for 2 hours!
- With all those crazy Yuletide celebrations you guys had, who amongst The Iraq Pack did what? Did Sadammi Davis Jnr whisk up the cocktails and help keep up the banter mit ze dames while Dean Stalin kept the home help in line?
Ze Pre- Xmas Molotov cocktails are normally left to Osama Bing Crosby to knock up before Xmas dinner. Unfortunately Osama didn’t return my invite….in fact he’s stopped all correspondence for some reason . It is a pity as he used to mix a great ‘ Cherry Bomb’ ( Vodka, Cherry Brandy and Tabasco) zis vill blow ze pants off any infidel.
Of course ze Xmas festivities would not be complete without a Sing-a-long and extreme renditions of such Xmas classics as ‘ Rudolph Hess Knows Pain Dear’ & ‘ Gestapo, Gestapo, Gestapo’ as well as ‘George Bush Nuts roasting on an Open Fire’ it is made all the more enjoyable if mein daughter Nancy is over from The USA for the Holidays after their ‘Yanks Giving’.
This year we were joined by Tony Benito after his invite to join Kim Jong Il had been withdrawn, this was the 2nd rejection for poor old Tony as Gadaffi’s party was also cut short. He was worried he may have to accept Mugabe’’s offer of a Black Forrest Ghetto with Supreme White Sauce!
- But with such great minds all in the one underground bunker, it couldn’t have all been baubles, bangles unt beanz? I’d say you must have had some serious strategic ordering to get sorted.
Xmas is a great time for planning another invasion and all ze Iraq pack boys are gearing up for another ‘World Domination’ push ..I have already made inroads into Ireland and fed ze troops on ze local diet of ‘Cold Cannon’ vit a touch of ‘Saurkraut’ for major advances!
WHITE CHRISTMAS PUDDING WITH VON RIBBONTROP PASTA
6 white puddings ( I usually use ze German black puddings called blutwurst, but hey, it vas Christmas where White is Right)
600 g fresh ribbon pasta
2 tbsp truffle oil
sea salt, for ze seasoning
freshly ground black pepper
1 white truffle
Place ze white puddings on ze grill pan and cook for 12 minutes or until golden brown, turning occasionally.
Meanwhile, bring a large pan of water to ze boil, add ze pasta and cook according to what Benito calls “Al Dente”.
Heat a big pot. Pour half of ze truffle oil and a little seasoning into ze pot and turn to coat ze inside. Add ze pasta, drizzle over ze remaining oil and sprinkle with a little more seasoning. Toss well.
Slice ze white pudding. Finely slice ze white truffle using a truffle slicer. Add both to ze pasta and serve IMMEDIATELY!
Dessert was a pretty wild affair in Ze Bunker this year.
If I may, I’d like to leave the last few words back to Frank. He has some sage advice for all you wild and whacky Burlesque and Cabaret lovers who might be attending their New Year’s Eve Ball tomorrow night.
Remember don’t drink & drive on ze New Year’s Eve. If you can, try to take ze cab home. The Iraq Pack recommends ‘Schindler’s Lifts’.