Bulmer’s Up The Bum

Posted on: 28 May 2010 3 comments

I can’t stand Bulmer’s.  Like all minging ciders,  it always reminds me of heaving my guts out all over the car park of Wesley disco. However, last year I came up with a great use for it – shoving a can of it right up a chicken’s rectum and firing up the barbie.

You may have had a beer can chicken before, this is my variation on it. What normally happens is that you get a 500ml can of beer, drink half of it, pierce it a few times in the centre of the can, put it up a chicken’s jacksie and stand it up on a barbecue with the lid down for about an hour. The outside of the bird is left crispy and smokey but the inside is tender and moist from the beer. Or in my case, cider.

There is an irony here. When Bulmer’s first brought out it’s Pear Cider, the only reaction to it on the streets went a little something like this:  “Jaysus I had a few of them Bulmer’s Pear last night and I spent the whole morning on the bog. Put a road right through me.” And here I am telling you to plug an arse with it.

Seriously though, all butts aside, there aint no finer way to cook a chicken. You should be left with something that looks like this:

Bulmersupthebum2

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 normal sized chicken (corn fed taste best I reckon)
  • 1 500 ml can of Bulmer’s

FOR THE SAUCE:

  • ¼ cup of English mustard
  • ¼ cup of Dalkey Mustard (or other grainy one)
  • ¼ cup of Dijon Mustard
  • 1 teaspoon of Olive Oil
  • ¼ cup of white wine vinegar
  • ½ cup of cloudy apple juice (Aldi + Lidl do a good one)
  • Juice of ½ a lemon
  • ½ teaspoon of salt

METHOD:

Combine all of the sauce ingredients together by whisking them in a bowl.

Take half the sauce and throw it on the chicken, keep the other half for another meal. Let the chicken marinade overnight if you can.

Heat up your barbie. Open up the Bulmer’s and pour half of it out. Then pierce the can at the halfway mark a few times.

Stand your chicken up right and shove the can up it’s Brenda Fricker. It should be able to stand on it’s own now, without falling.

Place it on the barbie on a medium heat for 1 ¼ hours to 1 ½ hours. When it’s all golden on the outside and the leg can come away fairly easily, it’s cooked.

The mustard sauce gives the outside of the chicken a slightly spicy flavour and a rich colour while the Bulmer’s keeps everything moist and brings a great sweetness.

SERVE WITH:

Some decent, dry French cider. The stuff from Normandy that comes in a wine bottle. There’s loads of it around, a few different brands. Beats the shit out of the Bulmer’s any day.

Comment by Gary Flood June 8, 2010

Brilliant, Tosh, just briliant. I haven’t heard “Brenda Fricker” in years and you really should call C&C post haste and offer them your new slogan for Bulmers:

“Bulmers: for when a chicken’s hole just looks too empty…”

Ride on.

G

Comment by admin June 8, 2010

Thanks Gary! I would say it definitely has more truth to it than, “nothing added but time.”

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[...] this is the second best thing you could ever do with it. The first being, shoving a can of it up a chicken’s shitter and lashing it on the [...]

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