Considering the amount of prison time these lads have chalked up, it’s remarkable that The Trailer Park Boys were granted visas to come back to Ireland. But not only are Ricky, Julian & Bubbles booked in for a triple night stand at The Olympia very soon, they’re bringing along some merry cohorts with them, Randy & Mr. Lahey, otherwise known as Canada’s favourite drunkard couple. I caught up with the three boys recently to see what manner of devilment they’ve been up to and to chat about their big loves from the underappreciated gastronomic world that is, Trailer Park Cuisine.

RICKY

Living in an automobile is a lifestyle choice that Ricky has become so accustomed to, that when he tries to get some kip in a bed, he can’t actually sleep and has to go back to his car again. But at least it keeps him close to his marijuana operation, which is still going very well, even with some setbacks like the occasional cop bust and wild animals eating his harvest. He’s keen to keep it up as a family tradition and teach the tricks of his trade to his teenage daughter Trinity, as soon as they both get their grade 12 though.

While his fellow Sunnyvale resident and arch enemy Randy, may be the uncrowned barbecued cheeseburger king of the Park, Ricky is a dab hand at cooking other meats al fresco. Especially pepperoni and chicken sticks. While Ricky did not go into massive detail with this dish, he did stress that its flavours were very much enhanced by sparking up one of his home grown efforts and advises against imbibing any liquor with it, as that would in fact kill your taste buds. Said with a true respect for his food.

BARBECUED CHICKEN STICKS & PEPPERONI

INGREDIENTS:

1 Packet of Frozen Chicken Sticks (no particular brand was specified)

6 Pepperoni Sausages

METHOD:

Steal Randy’s barbecue, fill with stolen propane and fire it up. Char grill the chicken and pepperoni and serve with your choice of ketchup, barbecue sauce or more illegal substances. Or even all three.

JULIAN

Very much the wheeler dealer and ladies man of their gang, Julian has got what he reckons will be a sweet little earner planned for when he arrives on Irish soil. He has managed to procure a large boat that he has filled with exceptionally cheap potatoes, which he will distil down to make poitin. This will of course be sold to us booze loving locals and perhaps dished out as freebies to his female fans, who he has told me, he is very fond of. Apparently, when compared to Canadian girls, the Hibernian lassies are a lot more relaxed and understanding when it comes to allowing him to hang out til dawn with his mates. This sentiment towards the women of his homeland might be brought on by the fact that he recently dated a law enforcement officer. When I reminded him of how unusual it was for a multiple repeat offender such as he to date a policewoman, he didn’t seem to see an issue. Supposedly the extra caution he had to exercise while in her company was well worth it as, “hot cops are crazy in the sack.”

He also recommends being extremely cautious when cooking his signature Trailer Park dish, deep fried turkey.  Such is the high chance of the oil overheating and going up in flame, that 1 in 10 trailers will burn down when deep frying turkeys at dinner engagements. Not a healthy statistic for such an unhealthy meal.

DEEP FRIED TRAILER PARK TURKEY

INGREDIENTS:

1 Ten pound turkey

3 litres of peanut oil

3 tablespoons of salt

3 tablespoons of pepper

3 tablespoons of garlic powder

METHOD:

Get an extremely large pot or even a discarded oil drum and fill it up to 75% of it’s capacity. Do not go over 75%! This could very well lead to aforementioned domestic fire incident after you’ve placed the bird in. While that’s heating up, pat the bird dry and smother it inside and out with the salt, pepper and garlic powder.

Very carefully place the bird in the hot oil and cook for about 35 minutes.

BUBBLES

As any fan of the TV show or Trailer Park Boys movies will tell you, the lads don’t get on at all with Randy & Mr. Lahey. This of course will mean that going on tour with them should be especially interesting and will surely test Bubbles’ well documented peacemaking skills to the absolute max. He is not being optimistic either, as Lahey’s alcohol consumption has actually been getting worse. “The last time I saw him, he was eating liquor ball sandwiches.” Never a good look. The sideline business that Bubbles started, “Kittyland” the cat daycare would appear to be thriving. So much so, that in the spring, he hopes to have enough money to add a second level onto the shed he lives in to “accommodate guests” as he says. Should you ever be lucky enough to be welcomed into his home, bear in mind that you may be sharing some space with one of his cats. At any given time, he has over 60 of them.

When it comes to his ultimate Trailer Park dish, the one meal that really gets him going is macaroni and cheese. Nobody else in Sunnyvale makes it better than Bubbles. He likes it plain, or with bacon and sometimes he’ll pimp it out with a certain well known chocolate confectionery snack…

MACARONI AND CHEESE WITH M&M’S

INGREDIENTS:

1 packet of macaroni pasta

12 slices of easi single cheese

1 tablespoon of butter

1 large packet of M&M’s

METHOD:

Boil the pasta in a big pot, preheat your oven to 180 degrees.

Slice the cheese into little bits.

When the pasta is done, strain it and then throw it into a baking dish Mix in the cheese and butter and stick that in the oven for 10 minutes. Sprinkle with the M&M’s.

Trailer Park Boys bring their “Dear Santa, Go Fuck Yourself” tour to The Olympia Theatre on December 12, 13 and 14

“Drinks are like shoes; you need different ones for different occasions, and when they’re too large you tend to wobble.”  Words from the amazing David Wondrich. There is very little this man doesn’t know about the auld gargoyle.  He makes a valid point here, different drinks are always required for different settings. I would like to add to this statement, by saying it’s not just the actual drinker that wobbles, quite often the drink can too. Especially if you lash in some good old fashioned gelatine strips into them of course.

I am not really sure what strange forces are compelling me to make and more and more boozy jelly shots, but I’ve been at it a lot lately. Recent jellified concoctions have included Refresher shots, ABSOLUT Pear & Blackcurrant shots and Beetroot & Ginger ABSOLUT shots.  When I put out a call recently to get my paws on some more crab-apples, my old pal Graeme came back with a massive bag of them from his parent’s gaff in Kildare.  Really into these at the moment, love their high levels of acidity and their wicked colour.  Jameson and crab-apples have really been working for me but I wanted to see what else I could throw into the mix. In the summer I had the great fortune of tasting Ernie Whalley’s home made lavender ice cream. It was the mutt’s nuts. That gave me the idea of throwing some lavender into my next crab-apple syrup.

If you’ve never fucked around with lavender in your food or drink, bear one thing in mind. It is seriously strong. Too much of it and your mouth will feel like you just got a ware off of a box of washing powder. But when you use the correct amount and pair it with something sharp like crab-apples and something sweet like honey, it’s a flavour bomb.

Of course, if you want to get some Jameson in there, then you’re really going places.  All of the ingredients you see in that photo, are 100% Irish. This is a challenge I’ve been setting myself of late for the backstage bar in The Sugar Club. Been trying to come up with nice cocktails that contain Irish booze or have Irish products in the mix.  This is the most Hibernian one yet. We’re selling them this weekend, 2 for a fiver. Or if you want to give them a go yourself, here’s the recipe.

CRAB-APPLE & LAVENDER JAMESON JELLY SHOTS

INGREDIENTS:

1 Bottle of Jameson Whiskey

1 kilo of crab-apples. The mild weather of late means that you can still find these. Apparently my mother still has a rake of them in her garden.

1 jar of Wexford Honey

1/2 a teaspoon of dried lavender

10 Marks & Spencer gelatine strips, these are the easiest to find

METHOD:

You have to make a syrup out of the crab-apples, but first you have to trim the twiggy stems that are probably still on them. Once you’ve that sorted, rinse them and slice them in half.

Stick them all in a big fuck off pot along with about 1 litre of water. Bring it up to a quick boil and then bring the heat right down. Arm yourself with a potato masher and start squashing those bad boys up.  After a few minutes, strain them off into another pot that you put on a low heat. Pour in the honey and stir, until it’s even. Then you drop in the lavender and stir that for about a minute or so and then strain again. That’s your syrup done.

Cut up the gelatine strips really small with a scissors. Immerse them in about 50 ml of water, let them soak for 10 minutes. While they’re soaking, drop in the Jameson and heat all that up, but not too hot. Just a really low simmer. You then drop in the gelatine and water and stir all that through until it’s all melted.

Buy those disposable plastic shot glasses and fill them up on a tray and place them in a fridge for at least 4 hours. You’ll get about 100 of them.