Considering the amount of prison time these lads have chalked up, it’s remarkable that The Trailer Park Boys were granted visas to come back to Ireland. But not only are Ricky, Julian & Bubbles booked in for a triple night stand at The Olympia very soon, they’re bringing along some merry cohorts with them, Randy & Mr. Lahey, otherwise known as Canada’s favourite drunkard couple. I caught up with the three boys recently to see what manner of devilment they’ve been up to and to chat about their big loves from the underappreciated gastronomic world that is, Trailer Park Cuisine.
Living in an automobile is a lifestyle choice that Ricky has become so accustomed to, that when he tries to get some kip in a bed, he can’t actually sleep and has to go back to his car again. But at least it keeps him close to his marijuana operation, which is still going very well, even with some setbacks like the occasional cop bust and wild animals eating his harvest. He’s keen to keep it up as a family tradition and teach the tricks of his trade to his teenage daughter Trinity, as soon as they both get their grade 12 though.
While his fellow Sunnyvale resident and arch enemy Randy, may be the uncrowned barbecued cheeseburger king of the Park, Ricky is a dab hand at cooking other meats al fresco. Especially pepperoni and chicken sticks. While Ricky did not go into massive detail with this dish, he did stress that its flavours were very much enhanced by sparking up one of his home grown efforts and advises against imbibing any liquor with it, as that would in fact kill your taste buds. Said with a true respect for his food.
BARBECUED CHICKEN STICKS & PEPPERONI
1 Packet of Frozen Chicken Sticks (no particular brand was specified)
6 Pepperoni Sausages
Steal Randy’s barbecue, fill with stolen propane and fire it up. Char grill the chicken and pepperoni and serve with your choice of ketchup, barbecue sauce or more illegal substances. Or even all three.
Very much the wheeler dealer and ladies man of their gang, Julian has got what he reckons will be a sweet little earner planned for when he arrives on Irish soil. He has managed to procure a large boat that he has filled with exceptionally cheap potatoes, which he will distil down to make poitin. This will of course be sold to us booze loving locals and perhaps dished out as freebies to his female fans, who he has told me, he is very fond of. Apparently, when compared to Canadian girls, the Hibernian lassies are a lot more relaxed and understanding when it comes to allowing him to hang out til dawn with his mates. This sentiment towards the women of his homeland might be brought on by the fact that he recently dated a law enforcement officer. When I reminded him of how unusual it was for a multiple repeat offender such as he to date a policewoman, he didn’t seem to see an issue. Supposedly the extra caution he had to exercise while in her company was well worth it as, “hot cops are crazy in the sack.”
He also recommends being extremely cautious when cooking his signature Trailer Park dish, deep fried turkey. Such is the high chance of the oil overheating and going up in flame, that 1 in 10 trailers will burn down when deep frying turkeys at dinner engagements. Not a healthy statistic for such an unhealthy meal.
DEEP FRIED TRAILER PARK TURKEY
1 Ten pound turkey
3 litres of peanut oil
3 tablespoons of salt
3 tablespoons of pepper
3 tablespoons of garlic powder
Get an extremely large pot or even a discarded oil drum and fill it up to 75% of it’s capacity. Do not go over 75%! This could very well lead to aforementioned domestic fire incident after you’ve placed the bird in. While that’s heating up, pat the bird dry and smother it inside and out with the salt, pepper and garlic powder.
Very carefully place the bird in the hot oil and cook for about 35 minutes.
As any fan of the TV show or Trailer Park Boys movies will tell you, the lads don’t get on at all with Randy & Mr. Lahey. This of course will mean that going on tour with them should be especially interesting and will surely test Bubbles’ well documented peacemaking skills to the absolute max. He is not being optimistic either, as Lahey’s alcohol consumption has actually been getting worse. “The last time I saw him, he was eating liquor ball sandwiches.” Never a good look. The sideline business that Bubbles started, “Kittyland” the cat daycare would appear to be thriving. So much so, that in the spring, he hopes to have enough money to add a second level onto the shed he lives in to “accommodate guests” as he says. Should you ever be lucky enough to be welcomed into his home, bear in mind that you may be sharing some space with one of his cats. At any given time, he has over 60 of them.
When it comes to his ultimate Trailer Park dish, the one meal that really gets him going is macaroni and cheese. Nobody else in Sunnyvale makes it better than Bubbles. He likes it plain, or with bacon and sometimes he’ll pimp it out with a certain well known chocolate confectionery snack…
MACARONI AND CHEESE WITH M&M’S
1 packet of macaroni pasta
12 slices of easi single cheese
1 tablespoon of butter
1 large packet of M&M’s
Boil the pasta in a big pot, preheat your oven to 180 degrees.
Slice the cheese into little bits.
When the pasta is done, strain it and then throw it into a baking dish Mix in the cheese and butter and stick that in the oven for 10 minutes. Sprinkle with the M&M’s.
Trailer Park Boys bring their “Dear Santa, Go Fuck Yourself” tour to The Olympia Theatre on December 12, 13 and 14