Most of my rants are usually tied back to an episode of The Sopranos, such is the limted capacity of my intellect. Halloween always reminds me of a great scene in the first series – the one where Paulie is in the Starbuck’s and gives put yards how about Italian cuisine and coffees had been hijacked by the Man and they weren’t getting their fare share:
“We invented this shit and these other cocksuckers are gettin’ rich off it. ……And it’s not just the money, it’s a pride thing. All our food. Pizza, Calzone, Buffalo Mozzarealla, Olive Oil! These fucks had nothing! They ate pootzi before we gave them the gift of our cuisine. But this? This is the worst! This espresso shit….”
And why does that remind me of Halloween? Because we fucking invented it! Our semi pagan/semi Christian sorry asses invented the whole fucking holiday and even came up with the entire trick or fucking treat thing. Not the Yanks, as most people are led to believe. Before Columbus discovered America, nobody with pink skin ever set their sights on a pumpkin. Paddies would cut turnips out and stick candles in them at their doorways and windows. But when we went to the states we brought all that shit with us.
By the looks of things, we did a sterling job of spreading it round the rest of the world too. There are Slovakians and Venezuelans who work here with me that celebrate Halloween by getting dressed up. So that’s literally millions of people from infants to auld fellas who will be donning fancy dress at parties or going door to door – and we don’t get any kickbacks?
MY SUGGESTIONS FOR GETTING THE IRISH ECONOMY ROCKING AGAIN – NO. 346 – Anybody non Irish who wears a bit of a costume over the next 3 days must pay a €10 Halloween tax to our government. I haven’t quite figured out the mechanics of how that could work just yet, but in the meantime let’s get stuck into some Halloween themed mixed beverages. These will all be available in the back stage bar in The Sugar Club from midnight tomorrow night for The Rocky Horror Picture Show and 9pm Sunday for The Cosmic Halloween Party.
This is ABSOLUT Vodka that’s been pimped out with one of the nation’s favourite sweeties – Refresher Bars. I’ve always been mad for these fuckers. God knows how many fillings I’ve lost because of them. We’ll be lashing these out at €20 for 4.
THE BILLY SCARY
Named after one of my favourite Dublin DJ’s who also happens to be headlining Sunday night. It’s made with ABSOLUT infused with apples and hawthorn berries and shaken with Karmine Apple juice from Tipperary, Cranberry Juice and cinnamon syrup. These will be lashed out for €7.50.
JAMESON HONEY JULEP
Honey and whiskey go together like Foster & Allen, Ant & Dec, Cocaine & Blowjobs, etc, etc… Any excuse to get them together works for me. This is my take on a classic Julep – I’ve replaced the bourbon with Jameson and the syrup with Galtee Irish Honey Syrup – yours for €7.50. The mint sends it over the edge. I could drink these all day. In fact, I may well do at some point over the weekend.
Have a happy Irish Halloween – where ever the fuck you may find yourselves. Sláinte.