Spicy Ribeye Rub

Posted on: 30 March 2011 No comments

As fond as I am of the fairer sex, cooking for them can often bring on considerable frustration. There is quite simply, nothing more irritating than a woman who will eat a burger but for some reason won’t eat a steak? Or they’ll eat a chicken goujon but never a wing? In my completely biased and very male opinion, only women ever do that. Fact.

Women are also ten times more likely than men to refuse something that is still on the bone. As in a nice chop or a full fish, especially with the head still intact. Openly carnivorous women in modern western societies,  are as rare as mannerly Parisian waiters.   I  recently watched an episode of “Come Dine With Me” which featured a lady who admitted to being such a meat lover that, “when my dog dies, he won’t be buried. He’ll be cooked and eaten.” Respect. Did I mention that she was also a burlesque dancer? Mucho respecto.

There is actually relatively practical point that I can make here through the medium of my blokey rant and that would be:

If you have a female guest over, it’s very important to check beforehand how much of a carnivore she is. You don’t want to present her with a dirty big €12 T-bone that’s oozing sticky juices and then she suddenly says, “I only really like meat when it doesn’t resemble what it looked like when it was still alive.  The green beans look  lovely though!” When entertaining ladies, get the all clear beforehand. And then prepare the following.

Rub.1

A wicked Irish  ribeye steak seasoned with my spicy rub

INGREDIENTS:

  • 2 tablespoons black pepper
  • 2 tablespoons paprika
  • 1 tablespoon of a decent sea salt
  • 1 tablespoon granulated or dried garlic (most Pakistani or Arabic food stores will stock this)
  • 1 tablespoon granulated or dried onion  (again most Pakistani or Arabic food stores)
  • 1 tablespoon cayenne pepper
  • 1 tablespoon of lightly toasted caraway seeds (do this in a dry wok or pan)
  • 3 small shallots, sliced thinly
  • Two 8 oz Irish ribeye steaks
  • A little bit of olive oil

METHOD:

Get a clean jar. Empty everything into it except the shallots. Close the lid tightly.  Shake it all up for about half a minute.

Heat up a dry wok, ie with no oil in it, slowly toast the shallots until they are all nicely browned. Chop them up finely and set aside.

I love ribeyes steaks. Fillets are boring. They’re dry and always need a sauce. A decent ribeye cooked to medium on a griddle pan or barbie that’s seasoned with this steak rub is all you need.

Get your griddle pan or barbie as hot as you possibly can. Tenderize the steak with a fork by stabbing it loads of times on a board. Then massage a little olive oil into it.

Throw the steak on for about a minute, then turn it. There should be some nice charred lines going along it.  Put about half a teaspoon of the spice mix onto this side of the steak by rubbing it on with a knife or fork.  Let the other side cook for about a minute, then turn it over with a fork but let the lines of the pan or barbie criss-cross the other way so that you’ll be left diagonal charred lines on the steak. Repeat with the other side of the steak so that each side has the same amount of seasoning and is left with the same char lines.

Let it sit for a few minutes before you get stuck in and right before you do, sprinkle generously with the dry fried shallots.  Serve it with  some steamed baby spuds and roasted baby tomatoes for a bit of sweetness.

I have put this wee recipe together with the view of trying to get in on a competition that The Irish Food Bloggers are staging. There’s a free place going at a European Food Bloggers convention in Weimar, Germany. The last time I got to practice my German was at a bierfest and it got exceptionally messy, in a major way.  It would be nice to re-visit Deutschland under more civilized conditions…

Denver Chocolate Shit Cake by Big Chief Random Chaos

Posted on: 25 March 2011 No comments

My guest contributor this week is the legendary, freakazoid burlesque performer by the name of Big Chief Random Chaos. For those of you who are unaware of his work, throughout his many years performing he has managed to:

- browneye the VIP section of the Paddy’s Day parade

- burn all his head hair off, his beard off and his pubes

- fling his cacks onto the face of a former Miss Ireland

- dance for four hours tied to a crucifix

- become a human fly paper when literally thousands of flies landed on him as they were  attracted to his make up (this particularly freaked out the audience who happened to be a bunch of loved up madoutofits)

- break his wrist pounding roses into the stage

- have a breeze block broken on his chest while he was lying on a bed of nails, dressed as a mermaid

He also does communions.

Big Chief elicits the kind of audience responses that veer between “Jaysus, that’s not real is it?” and “Fucking hell, would somebody call yer man an ambulance!”

Just the kind of performer that I love. You can catch him and a bunch of other ‘orrible bastards, at his next Sugar Club show on May 6th. It’s called The League of Decadent Bastards. It his gig and he’s gonna have Mr. Pustra (UK), Frank Sanazi (UK) and Joe Black (UK).  It’s an all nighter with Scarlett Nymph djing until the wee small hours.

So obviously a big dirty decadent bastard such as Big Chief, has to be able to give me a big dirty recipe. And you can’t get any more dirty than shit.

Big.chief

DENVER CHOCOLATE SHIT CAKE

INGREDIENTS:

For the cake:

16 tablespoons unsalted butter in 16 pieces (plus 1 tablespoon softened butter for greasing pan)

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (more for pan)

2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup cocoa

1/2 cup buttermilk

2 eggs, lightly beaten

1 teaspoon vanilla

For the frosting:

8 tablespoons unsalted butter in 8 pieces

1/4 cup cocoa

6 tablespoons buttermilk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 pound confectioners’ sugar

1/2 cup chopped walnuts or pecans.

METHOD:

1. For cake: Place oven rack in middle position; heat oven to 350 degrees fahrenheit. Grease and flour a 9-by-13-inch sheet pan. Combine flour, sugar, baking soda and salt in a large bowl, and whisk well.

2. Combine butter, cocoa and 1 1/2 cups water in a medium saucepan over medium-low heat; whisk frequently until butter has melted and mixture is smooth, glossy and bubbling around edges. Remove from heat.

3. Pour cocoa mixture over dry ingredients and whisk until smooth. Whisk in buttermilk, eggs and vanilla. Turn batter into prepared pan and bake until cake has risen, shrunken slightly from edges, and tests clean with a toothpick, about 30 minutes. Remove from oven, and cool completely on a rack.

4. For frosting: Combine butter, cocoa and buttermilk in a small saucepan over medium-low heat; whisk frequently until butter has melted and mixture is smooth and bubbling around edges. Remove from heat and transfer to a standing mixer bowl fitted with a paddle attachment.

5. With machine on low speed, add vanilla, salt, sugar and nuts, and mix until smooth. (Ingredients may also be whisked into cocoa mixture by hand; if so, sugar should be sifted first.) Pour warm frosting over top of cake, and smooth with a spatula. Allow frosting to become firm before slicing cake.

May 6th – The Sugar Club – from 8pm – The League of Decadent Bastards

www. theleagueofdecadentbastards.com

I’m away in Bangers

Posted on: 18 March 2011 No comments

Howayaz!

Trying with great difficulty to type this. I’ve a head on me like a boiled arse. My current location is downtown Bangkok. A couple of days ago myself and a small unit of merry degenerates were flown over to Thailand to provide some Paddy’s day style entertainment for a couple of large parties. It was gas craic. I compered the show and called 2 ceili dances on a stretch of 25 foot carpet, but in a room with 300 people in it. Completely mad.  This was the mic cover I used, it was photographed about 20 times by drunken Irish folk. I told everyone else that I was a chat show host from Dublin. I don’t think they believed me.

rte

Anyhoop, me auld pal Bilbo Bangkok is throwing a big party later with a mojito bar and food from the Laos/Cambodian borders around Thailand. It’s called Esan cuisine and I fucking love it. About to go off and get some right now for brekkie actually.  Hopefully that will sort the head out….

Normal services will resume next week.

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