Caprice – she’s got a face like a four star pizza. Yet she’s judging a fashion design show on TV3 telling contestants to be more natural. This is a woman who’s been under the knife more than a Limerick stabbing victim. And have you seen Jordan lately? I think she just had her chin done again, so overly chiseled, like a troglodyte cavewoman.
I recently watched an outstanding documentary about Hank Williams, a man who could bare his heart and soul so poignantly in his incredible work of songs. One of his band members, now in his late 70’s, spoke about a time when he asked Hank about what inspired him to write so openly and passionately. Hank replied, “Man, if you wanna make it, ya can’t fake it.” I thought that was so brilliantly simple. And that’s why over 50 years after his death, his music and lyrics are as striking today as they were when he originally wrote them. After watching the documentary, I was left feeling that authenticity and emotional honesty must have a serious importance in our lives. Otherwise we are indeed, empty vessels.
Yet, flicking through channels afterwards, any inspiration I took from Hank was quickly poisoned. I watched the plastically altered monstrosities Caprice and Jordan take prime time viewing and saw a few urban/r n b videos on MTV. The music was particularly vexing. It dawned on me that every modern r n b song has a lead vocal in the chorus that has been doctored by a vocoder, in the style of Cher’s “Life After Love”.
Modern life is rapidly becoming more phony. Guys take steroids and protein pills, to buff themselves up. Girls lash on fake tan every time they go to a wedding. And most number 1 songs have robot voices.
That’s why one must always seek the real deal. So you can compare and contrast the genuine article to the fake shit. Thankfully, authenticity can still be found in food. And it rarely gets better than this, an absolutely amazing Thai Dish called Lap Moo. And because all the ingredients are dry fried or boiled through, it also happens to be a very healthy option. My old pal, Bilbo Bangkok gave me the recipe and showed me in person how to make it. Sadly, I have yet to see it appear on any Thai restaurant menu. I suppose that probably makes it more authentic. Please give this a go, it is so fucking tasty.
LAP MOO – AN AUTHENTIC THAI DISH
INGREDIENTS: ANY OF THE ASIAN INGREDIENTS LISTED CAN BE BOUGHT IN EITHER OF THE ASIAN FOOD MARKETS ON GEORGE’S ST OR DRURY ST
- 400 grams of ground pork.
- A good handful of plain jasmine rice
- A Handful of torn mint leaves
- 8 shallots finely chopped (set aside 3 for the lemongrass paste)
- 3 spring onions finely chopped
- 2 finely chopped Kaffir lime leaves
- 1 finger sized chili deseeded and finely chopped
- 2 large cloves of garlic finely chopped
- 4 coin-size slices of galangal
- 3 tablespoons of fish sauce
- 1 long stalk of lemongrass finely chopped
- 3 limes
In a wok, using no oil, dry fry/toast the jasmine rice for about 5 minutes on a low heat. Make sure the heat is low or it will burn and pop like popcorn. When the rice is nicely toasted, transfer to a pestle and mortar and pound the shit out of it. Set aside when finished.
Now for the paste. In the same wok dry fry/roast the lemongrass, garlic, 2 shallots, and the 2 finely chopped kaffir-lime leaves until toasted. Transfer to pestle and mortar and pound the shit out of it like the rice.
Cut up your limes into quarter segments and arrange on a plate along with the remaining shallots, torn mint leaves, chopped chili, and spring onion. Arrange them as decoratively as you can. These are mixed with the pork after it is cooked by the boiling water and lime.
Empty the ground pork into a fine sieve. And pour 1 -2 cups of boiling water through it. Make sure the meat is all white and cooked properly by the water. Catch the run-off in a container as this is a basic stock to wet the dish with later. The pork should start to turn white. Transfer to a mixing container. Now it’s time to add the rest of the ingredients.
First squeeze in the limes, constantly mixing with your hands. Then throw in the lemongrass paste, mix for 10 seconds, half of the ground rice powder, mix for 10 seconds, Shallots, 10 seconds, fish sauce, 10 seconds, half a teaspoon of sugar and the remaining rice powder, 15 seconds, and then finally all the mint and spring onion. If you prefer it wetter, lash in a few tablespoons of the stock. Garnish with Mint and whole chilies.
Some cucumber segments sliced lengthways, and boiled or steamed jasmine rice. And ideally, loads of Singha Thai beer.