The Second Best Sandwich In The World, Ever

Posted on: 25 June 2010 No comments

Provided you couldn’t give a rat’s arse about quality, eating for bugger all money has never been better. You can buy a 10 inch pizza on Dame street for a fiver.


Most of the units in The Epicurean Food Hall on Liffey Street are “all you can eat buffets” now. But cheapest of all, are the Spars and Centras – lashing out mad  combo deals to try and flog more sambos. Like a sarnie  with a packet of crisps and a bottle of water for €2.50 or a baguette for €2.


But believe me you,  if they can afford to sell sandwiches for under two quid and give away all sorts of shite with them, then you know they must be using cat food to fill their bread. Sadly, these uber thrifty bits of shite are bringing down the good name of the sandwich.

There is no reason why any of us should be eating this garbage. If you don’t want to pay more than a couple of euro for a sarnie, just make your own for fuck’s sake. The ham and prosciutto from Lidl costs fuck all, lash that it in with some salad and swiss cheese in a baguette. Grand job.

Of course, on the other end of the end of the scale there are some sandwiches that are actually fantastic and go way beyond filling the hole at lunchtime. Anyone who has spent some serious time in San Fran will know where I’m going next. If you ever want to taste the finest sandwich in the world, head to the city by the bay, get yer arse over to Kingfoot Subs on Divisadero and buy their Beef Teriyaki. Words can not do this work of art any justice. Good friends of mine used to live off these fucking things and literally, NOTHING else (that was edible anyway).  Usually by about 5pm the beef teriyaki would all be gone.

For any of you who don’t fancy traveling thousands of miles just to eat a Beefer, here’s how you can make….




Salsiccia is the Italian word for sausages, but when you get Salsiccia outside of Italy they tend to be the slightly coarser and have a harder texture than most other varieties. They are not cured like chorizo, so you have to cook them through. You can buy them in Magill’s on Clarendon Street or Listons on Camden Street and occasionally Hicks make their own.


1 Salsiccia

Half a green or red pepper, sliced in strips

Half a red onion, sliced in strips

1 ciabatta

Some olive oil

Some Mayo

A tiny sprinkle of finely chopped rosemary and black pepper


Put a drop of olive oil onto a pan with some medium heat under it.

Fry the sausage. When one side is done and the juice has started coming out of it, lash in the pepper and onion.

Meanwhile, heat up your ciabatta in the oven or slightly toast just the outside of it.

When everything is cooked, slice the ciabatta and put some mayo on one side of it.

Slice the sausage in half, drop the two halves in evenly with the pepper and onion around it. Sprinkle a little rosemary and pepper to taste.


A can of that posh lemonade shit.

Hippie/Freeloader/Treehugger Watermelon Gazpacho

Posted on: 18 June 2010 4 comments

Barbara Streisand and Kris Kristofferson copulating in a “Star is Born”. The most disturbing sight I’ve ever seen on celluloid. It brought on a gruesome nightmare for me.

Naturally, this aversion to the long haired of the world stems directly from my parents, who were two complete flower children themselves. Darwin and Freud would both say that is my biological duty to despise everything that they believed in. So who am I to try and tame the laws of science and psychiatry? My natural instinct is to despise hippies and treehuggers, but to be honest with you, I get on grand with them. Just as long as they don’t mention geo politics, the welfare state, drugs, drink, sex offenders, albino midgets and my other great passion in life, food.

Many treehuggers would have you believe otherwise,  butI have yet to be convinced that there is anything inferior or indeed evil about genetically modified or non organic grub. I do not think it necessary to only produce free range chickens and I reckon farming fish is a wicked idea. And it is not that I am so stubborn that I won’t bow down to other theories that are not my own. While it may have taken me a long time, I have finally accepted that Vegetarianism is really not such a bad thing. As omnivores, we consume too much meat at the moment. No harm in eating a little less really. But I’d be buggered by a piebald if I do the whole true blue veggie vibe or end up becoming a complete spacer like one of these lads.

So here’s a wee nod to those who don’t eat the meat.  A recipe mailed to me a year ago by a very angry veggie – YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! It’s actually delicious though and a complete spazmoid could very easily make it.




  • 7 cups finely diced seedless watermelon (or get a normal one and take them out, a tad annoying)
  • 1 medium cucumber. Peel it and then deseed it, then dice it up.
  • 1/2 red bell pepper, finely diced, again keep the seeds out
  • 1 tablespoon of freshly chopped basil
  • 1 tablespoon of chopped flat-leaf parsley
  • 3 tablespoons red-wine vinegar
  • 2 tablespoons minced shallot
  • 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
  • 3/4 teaspoon salt


Mix it all up in a big bowl. Then take about three cups at a time and whiz in a blender to the kind of consistency that you like. Then transfer that to another big bowl. Repeat til you’re done.


Even for veggies, this would be regarded as a starter. Try pouring them into shot glasses and lash them out. Crack open some bubbly with them.

Boozy Peaches with Greek Yoghurt

Posted on: 11 June 2010 No comments

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but my mother would steal a piece of chocolate from a dying, orphaned leper. She is of course, the loveliest woman on the planet, but place a food item in front of her that is sugar based and she will have it devoured in milliseconds.

An old friend of mine has an equally sweet tooth. When out dining, he never has a starter and instead will reluctantly fill up on a main and then order two desserts. This dish is exactly the kinda thang they would both really dig. Seasonal fruit baked in a geansaí load of gargoyle. I love it because the peaches are char-grilled on the barbie first. One of these days I will give you a recipe that doesn’t involve the barbecue, I swear.

I’ve been barbecuing fruit for years though, MAD4it I am. The natural fructose in it caramelizes and gets sinfully sticky. If this goes well for you, skewer some chunks of golden delicious apples that have been sprinkled in cinnamon and serve with some ice cream.

Anyhoo, we’ve been promised some daycent weather this weekend by the pretty young wans on the TG4 weather reports(by far my favourite weather chicks, Lucy Verasamy on Sky News would be a close runner up though). This would be a nice way to cook off a dessert on the last bit of heat that’s left on those charcoal embers.  If you have any Amaretto left after the dessert, you can make some wicked little shooters with some Bailey’s floating on top. Ah yes. Sunburn, barbecues, criminal amounts of alcohol and quite possibly a domestic disturbance or two. Deadly buzz.



- 10 ripe peaches. Slice them in half and pit them.

- 75 ml of a good dark rum.

- 75 ml of a good Amaretto.

- 2 tablespoons of Vanilla Sugar. Make this by getting a pack of sugar and blitz it with the scrapings of 2 vanilla pods. Store it in a jar.

- About 8 amaretto biscuits, that have been smashed up in a bag and crumbled.

- Some nice Greek yoghurt to serve with it. Creme Fraiche is good too.


- Preheat your barbie or griddle pan and preheat your oven to 180 degrees.

- Lightly brush the cut side of the peaches with some oil to prevent them from sticking to your barbie/griddle pan. Then grill them all by placing the peaches flesh side down until they’re nicely charred.

- Mix the rum with the Amaretto and put it aside.

- Place the peaches into a baking tray with flesh side exposed. Sprinkle the sugar onto them and drizzle the boozy mix onto the peaches.

- Bake in the oven for about ten minutes.  Lash a good dollop of Greek Yoghurt into each serving bowl, then place a couple of peaches on top of it and then some of the crumbled amaretti biscuits. If there’s any of the booze left stick that in too.


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