There is a race to the bottom going on within the drinks industry of Dublin. Who can sell the cheapest gargoyle? It’s everywhere. €3 pints. €2 jagerbombs. €2.50 for bottles of Corona.
And it’s not like the punters aren’t lapping it up. Panti Bar’s half price Sunday was such an immediate success, she had to issue an online guide on how to make sure you could get in.
It’s rampant in the off trade too. An offie near me is knocking out cases of Eastern European formaldehyde that’s been cut with benzedrine and repackaged as beer, for 15 quid. There was a time when Royal Dutch was seen as the skobey teenage choice. Now you’re perceived as a high living connoisseur if you arrive at a party with a bag of them under your arm.
The manufacturers themselves are at it too and in my opinion doing more long term damage. These ultra cheap-pre made Mojitos and Cosmopolitans that Smirnoff are knocking out are a disgrace.
Not only do they ming, but they are an insult to the bartenders who know how to make them – properly. If those kinds of pre bottled alco pop monstrosities take off, then the humble cocktail will be a drink of the past.
I am currently working twice as hard for half the amount of money I was earning a few years ago, so I am acutely aware of how tough things are at the moment. But what does one do if one does not want to be seen in an undignified bar throwing back €2 jagerbombs but still wants to get hammered? Two words – Cocktail Party. And say for instance that you want to throw one this Friday and you choose to go with some of my recipes here, I would suggest that one person can get a bottle of cointreau, the other some tequila, another the bubbly etc. You can all get totally trashed on something that tastes and looks deadly but won’t eat into next week’s food budget. Knowing how to mix a few drinks is also dead handy if you are all out of your minds in someone’s gaff and have no gargoyle left other than what’s collecting dust on the top shelf. A quick shot of this mixed with a few shots of that and hey presto, the session is in full swing again.
Final Thought – Jerry Springer Stylee: Whatever you do though, just don’t put Czech Absinthe into the equation at all. Unless you really want to chuck your guts all over your girlfriend and she runs screaming back to her parents at 5am calling you every name under the sun. You really don’t want to do that.
1. The Kir Lethale
Everyone needs to have a decent Kir in their drinks arsenal. The perfect pick me up before you head out or if you’ve just come home at 7 in the morning. This is mine.
INGREDIENTS:
- 1 dozen freshly peeled lycheés (The Asian Food Market on George’s Street)
- A nagon or say about 4 x 35ml shots of Vodka
- A couple of bottles of bubbly. This could be Champagne, Prosecco, Cava, Sekt, anything that vaguely resembles fizzy white wine.
- 1 Bottle of Creme de Cassis (any Oddbins)
You will need six Champagne glasses (otherwise called flutes). Everybody should get 2 glasses
METHOD:
- Soak the lycheés overnight in the vodka
- When you are ready to serve, drop a lychee into each champagne glass
- Throw a dash of Creme de Cassis into each glass
- Top up with the bubbly until the glass is full
SERVE WITH:
- Some roasted cashews and fresh berries.
2. Pomegranate Margarita
This is not an attempt at doing a posh maragarita. I just reckon that it’s the tastiest variety.
INGREDIENTS:
- 35ml shot of clear Olmeca or ideally Patrón Tequila (any decent offie, again try Oddbins). You can measure 35ml by pouring 1 and a half capfuls of tequila but buy a spirit measure if you can.
- Three quarters of a glass of Pomegranate juice. Buy the stuff they sell in Superquinn or Liston’s on Camden St. It’s got a wine coloured carton.
- Either half a shot or a quarter shot of Cointreau, whichever you prefer yourself. Test it out. Most margarita recipes say you should use Triple Sec. Don’t. Triple Sec is cheap and nasty. It’s made from the orange peel. Cointreau is made from the orange. It tastes much nicer and does not give you a brutal hangover like Triple Sec would.
- The juice of 1 lime. You’re better off squeezing a shitload of them beforehand.
- Sparkling water. This is for anyone who needs it all watered down slightly.
- Maldon Sea Salt(Magill’s on Clarendon St or Superquinn)
Margaritas look best in Martini glasses or Margarita glasses with their circular rims. Buy 6. If you don’t have a cocktail shaker you’ll need one of them too. Buy a big one so you can make 2 or 3 cocktails at once.
METHOD:
- Wet the rim of each glass
- Place some salt on a saucer and dip the glass into it. The salt actually plays an important part in the taste of everything and helps out with your hangover. And it looks cool.
- Place the tequila, pomegranate and lime juice and cointreau into a cocktail shaker with some ice and shake the shit out of it.
- Pour it into your glasses
- Garnish with a lime wedge
- Pour in some sparkling water if desired
SERVE WITH:
- Some tortilla chips and salsa
3. Bloody Ginseng Mary
This is my personal take on the Bloody Mary. An Asian version basically. Some people drink these when they are still out. For me they are strictly morning/afternoon/evening after.
INGREDIENTS:
- Your favourite Vodka, a 50ml shot for each glass(or two caps)
- Tomato Juice, half a glass per cocktail
- Wasabi (Asian Food Market, George’s Street), a teaspoon per cocktail
- Dark Soy Sauce, a teaspoon per cocktail
- Salt and Pepper, a small pinch of each
- Juice of 1 lime per Bloody Mary
- Coriander Leaves
METHOD:
- The night before you get hammered place a coriander leaf into each section of your ice tray and fill with water. Throw it into the freezer.
- Take all other ingredients and lash them into the cocktail shaker with some ice. Shake the shit out of it.
- Before you pour it place your coriander ice into each glass and then pour out the cocktail mix.
- Garnish with the obligatory celery stick and maybe drop a couple of cherry tomatoes in.
SERVE WITH:
- Your favourite brekkie. Mine’s a rasher and a ride.