A good mate of mine has just finished shooting a fairly wild , documentary style TV show. One particular episode brought him and his crew 60km south east  of Wexford in The Irish Sea, on board a fishing boat.

He gets back a day late from that gig  and calls me up,

“Howaya. Just back from that sea shoot and I’m wrecked. Got a box of fresh fish here , I can’t even look at another fish dude, let alone eat one. They’re all yours.”

“I’ll be right over.”

When I get into his gaff I could instantly see that he just had a few very rough days. In fact I would go so far to say that he looked like he had been gang raped, such was his haggard appearance. He then gives me a detailed run through of his marine journey.  Apparently they got off to a grand start. Both the boat and camera crews were getting on famously as they feasted on scallops and all sorts of other fishy delights.  Then a force 8 gale came along and the shit storm flew as massive waves hit the deck. Even the hardened Captain and his shipmates  looked scared, so you can only imagine how the street slick TV crew must have appeared.  They thought they were on death’s door. Lost at sea, just so they could give Irish TV 24 minutes of primetime footage. Not quite the hero’s death that we all long for.

Eventually the storm settled and the two crews made it back to shore, somewhat shellshocked and later than they scheduled for, but, alive nonetheless. I could see why he wasn’t quite in the mood for fish anymore and I wasn’t going to convince him to hang on to what the Captain gave him as a freshly caught parting gift – 3 fillets of monkfish and 4 fillets of Lemon Sole. Score!

The next day I fed 7 adults and 2 nippers with that wonderful bounty. It was the perfect opportunity for me to use up another gift that I was lucky enough to get my hands on, a bag of spiced flour from Barbados given to me by Sharon and Freddie – The Synger Mingers.  I cut up the fish into goujon size bits, coated it in the spicy flour and deep fried them little bad boys. The spice rub in the flour is the money shot, it couldn’t be easier to make. Here’s how.

BAJAN SPICED MONKFISH

INGREDIENTS:

- 300 g of plain flour

- 1 tablespoon of ground black pepper

- 1 teaspoon of white ground pepper

- 1 tablespoon of  Celery salt

- 1 tablespoon of paprika

- 1 teaspoon of Cayenne pepper

- 2 tablespoons of Garlic powder (any Asian store)

- 1 tablespoon of Onion powder (again any Asian store)

- 1 teaspoon of icing sugar

- 1 Monkfish fillet, sliced into goujon sized chunks

METHOD:

- Combine all the dry ingredients by mixing them all up in an airtight blender. If it aint airtight it will blow everywhere. If you don’t have a blender just bang it all in a plastic bag, close it up and squish it all round for a bit. You will be left with a highly seasoned flour that goes great with poultry, pork and fish.There’ll be a good bit there so keep it in a big jar or container.

- Coat the fish in the flour mix and let them sit for half an hour. In the meantime, heat up your deep fat fryer or about 2 inches of vegetable oil in a pot.

- Fry the fish lightly for 30 seconds or so, two or three pieces at a time and remove with a slotted spoon. Don’t overcrowd the pot or fryer. Once you’ve fried each piece, start all over again, except this time fry til each piece is nice and golden.

- Serve it with some sweet potato  that you can slice into half inch thick circles, drizzled with olive oil and sprinkle with a tiny bit of cinnamon. Then bang them in the oven @ 180 degrees for 15 minutes. A salad on the side wouldn’t go astray either.

If you want to go the whole hog and go for a big Carribean vibe, you could buy a bottle of Bajan or Jamaican Creole Sauce. The yellow is the tastiest but by jaysus it’s spicy stuff.  It’s taken me a few dollops to get used to it but apparently they lash it on everything in Barbados. You can get it in most Asian food shops.

No Carribbean meal would be complete without lashings and lashings of a good Rum Punch. Knowing how to make one will always come handy too, especially when you’re in the company of Sharon and Freddie and they’ve just spent 45 minutes making you the worst Rum cocktail in the world made with the frost shavings from their freezer. Gick. Apple Rum Punch is the easiest to get together, just mix 750 ml of golden rum with 1 litre of apple juice, the juice of 1 lemon and dissolve 3/4 cup of sugar in with a spoon. Put it all into a bowl with some ice, pour over 1 litre of really good ginger ale or beer, stir and garnish with some sliced lemons studded with cloves.

If two communities of people aren’t getting on too well, what’s the one thing that will definitely bring them together? That’s right, a common enemy. And when you take two completely different sets of people, like for instance the Muslims around the Mosque on the South Circular Road and the local Paddies from the same hood, what is the common enemy there that can bring an understanding between their two cultures? What do hedonistic inner city Dubs hate as much as beard branding followers of Allah? It’s gotta be Clampers. No good, street crawling, godless infidel, wanker clampers.

I knew a guy in San Fran that worked as a jizz mopper in The Lusty Lady peep show over on Kearny Street. For me, that job would be more appealing than working as a clamper. And it would appear that I am not alone in my hatred of all things a la clamp. This wee incident made the cover of February’s Southside edition of Local News.

Apparently, the weasels in grey and blue that work around the Mosque on the SCR,  have been unfairly targeting the worshipers who attend Friday prayers. With a massive volume of attendees every week and very few car parking spaces for them, the clampers are never far, eagerly waiting to pounce on all those who are illegally parked. But one worshiping Muslim had enough of these uniformed scoundrels. He heard the clampers were in action, came out of the Mosque, got into his car and knocked one of them down in a hit and run. A crowd quickly gathered, police arrived, statements were taken and a legend was born. Zorro in a turban.

I feel that we should take this modern tale of heroism and use it two bring the Muslims and Non Muslims of South Inner City Dublin closer together. We have begun the process of getting along better by acknowledging that they too have a hatred of parking attendant lowlifes – the next obvious step is to learn about their food or play a bit of footie. Let’s opt for the food vibe. So this week, I’m taking on another flavour of the Orient with a Turkish Prawn dish.

TURKISH STYLE PRAWNS IN AN ORANGE BASKET

INGREDIENTS:

* 1 large orange cut in half with membrane of the flesh removed. Then cut into chunks and discard about half.

* 100 g of prawns that have been, peeled, deveined and flash fried in a little olive oil

* A fistful of toasted almond slices

* 2 tablespoons of golden raisins that have soaked in water for half an hour

* Half a cup of cooked rice with a dressing through it made from 1 tablespoon of good extra virgin olive oil, 1 tablespoon of lemon juice, a pinch of salt, pepper and dried oregano.

METHOD:

* After you’ve sliced the orange, you carefully scoop out the flesh. Take away as much of the outer skin of the flesh and the white bits of the peel.

* Cut the orange into chunks, like I said above, you will only need half of what’s left.

* Mix the orange together with the prawns, raisins and almonds.

* Then mix the cooked rice with dressing and combine with everything else. Let it sit in the fridge for an hour.

* Place the mix into the empty orange peels/shells.

* Serve on top of some lettuce leaves, lash into a nice Riesling or a Pomegranate juice with or without Vodka.

If you feel like exploring Turkish cuisine here in Direland, then a call into Anatolia on Great Strand Street between Liffey Street and The Italian Quarter is a must. The owner is very helpful and imports everything from Turkish cheese to spices. And like a lot of these small, ethnic delis charges bugger all for most items.