A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork.?” The Rabbi responds, “Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.”
The Priest then asks, “Have you ever eaten pork?”
To which the Rabbi replies, “Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork.”
The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The Priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”
The Rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The Priest replied, “Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.”
The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, “A lot better than pork isn’t it?”
One of the many ethnically centered jokes that my auld fella used to tell. Kinda rings true at the moment though. Slam the Middle Eastern desert people all you like, but at least their Clerics and Rabbis can get married. And because our boyos over here can’t, they either end up becoming sexual deviants or those weird unapproachable oddballs that carry a look of the lobotomized afterglow with them everywhere.
Yet, here we are now, into the second decade of the 21st century and none of the leaders of the three great monotheistic religions can enjoy, what in my opinion, is the single greatest pleasure known to the human race – a Rasher and a Ride. In that order I might add. Surely world peace would be that bit more attainable if our priests could have a bit of slap and tickle and the other lads could have a wee bit of prosciutto?
Of course, as anyone will tell you, religious rules and doctrines are for suckers. I have never known a Muslim who doesn’t take a drink and I’ve never known a Jew who won’t touch a bit of bacon. In fact, this next recipe is an Indonesian staple and it’s a pork curry. And Indonesia’s 200 million Muslims make up most of their population and they lob a bit of pork into loads of their dishes.
The primary ingredient here is the Kecap Manis. You can buy it in most Asian stores. It’s a sweet soy sauce made with treacle and dark soy sauce basically. Make sure you get the thick gloopier one. The thinner one is crap. And don’t bother making your own, it’s a pain in the swiss.
This also happens to be my favourite curry, probably coz of the pork. In a past life, I must have been a bastard son of a Muslim Cleric and a Jewish Princess. Anyhoo, not only is it really tasty but it’s dead, dead simple to make. It’s colour is quite dark though so the garnishes with the coriander, lime and chilli are a must.
KECAP PORK CURRY
- 1 Pork Fillet
- 2 cans of Coconut Milk
- 1 cup of Kecap Manis
- 1 Tablespoon of finely chopped fresh ginger
- 2 cloves of finely chopped garlic
- 4 shallots thinly slice
- 2 Tablespoons of peanut oil
- 1 chilli deseeded and thinly sliced and 1 chilli thinly sliced with seeds still in
- The juice of 1 lime
- 1 teaspoon of ground black pepper
- Get a griddle pan/frying pan/barbecue really hot and throw on the pork very quickly just to give it a smoky, slightly black coating but really pink in the middle. Remove and let it rest for a couple of minutes.
- Get your wok really hot. Put in the peanut oil. Fry your shallots for about 10 seconds on their own, then lash in the garlic, chilli, ginger and black pepper. Fry them all off for a bit, about 2 minutes at the max.Turn off the heat on the wok for the moment.
- When that’s done. Slice your pork into whatever bite size bits you’re comfortable with. Turn the wok back on but on to a low heat. Mix the pork into the mix in the wok and fry it all off.
- Pour in the coconut milk and Kecap Manis. Stir it all up. Put the lid on the wok, bring it all up to a slight boil, then take the heat way down and let it cook like that for about 45 minutes with the lid on.
- Then take the lid off , stir it and cook with the lid off for about five minutes.
- Pour the lime juice into the curry and stir. Serve it with some rice and garnish the curry by sprinkling some chopped coriander leaves and a little bit of freshly chopped chili. A lime wedge on the side would be nice too.